Friday, December 31, 2010

Goat herding it is!!

Even though both of our families have been pretty good about not bugging us too much about when we're going to have kids (we know it's on their minds...) we have decided to follow the strategisms of W and do a preemptive strike to a threat that we believe to be there with all of our heart and soul though we don't really have any evidence to back it up. We're going to have kids and lots of them. Just see the picture below:

This will be great for several reasons.
1) We can always send a few of them to stay with the grandparents for an extended period of time
2) We won't get in trouble for keeping them outside
3) No diaper changing
4) They can't talk back
5) We won't have to worry about bullies
6) We can castrate the stupid ones
7) They're environmentally friendly
8) It's okay if they don't go to school

Etc. etc. etc. The list just keeps going and going why having kids is awesome! All of my friends were right, I'm excited to have kids. The more the merrier, and the greater the chance that one won't be missed, say around Christmas and Thanksgiving. ;-)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Mary Jesusmas and to all a good night!

Merry Christmas all! We had a very fun christmas this year. Instead of boring everyone with explainations... I'll just post a few pictures. They are more fun anyway.

Jared's making some fabulous cookies to take to peoples houses...

Here is our Christmas tree.

The dogs are opening their Christmas presents (they got bacon).

Santa Came!

I won! These scared the crud out of Cracker though. After playing for a while we started wondering where he was. Turns out that he ran into his kennel after we started playing. He's been running around the house all day with his tail tucked thinking we are abusing him.

This is how married people open presents.

Michigan is cold...

Mary Jesusmas to all and to all a cold night.with bacon.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

He's flirting!

Cracker does this really creepy thing where he will lie on my side, put his nose about an inch from my face and just stare... I figured I would get a picture of this more than slightly uncomfortable stare and this is what I caught...

Friday, December 17, 2010

The Joys of Something or Another

It's a strange coincidence that almost every single day that Pam has off I have to be into work early, and usually end up having to stay late. Today, for example, I had a fellowship application due and so even though I'm done with classes at this point and had no real reason to come in, I had to be here for about six hours. I know, my life is very tragic, I can come in for six hours and call it a full day, not really do anything other than review what I've already written and still get paid the same as if I'd come in and slaved my a mad whore to satiate my insatiable clients appetites only to be told I'm not good enough, nor will I ever be able to rise to their standards-Chuck, I'm having strange recollections of you describing your soon-to-be old job-only to have my pay docked. I guess that's why they have pimps, then no one can dock their pay no matter how lousy they perform. I think politicians must have pimps in the background that no one really knows about or is not willing to talk about if they do know about it. I'm finished now and waiting for Pam to come pick me up. We're going to go out and celebrate, I'm not sure what, but we're celebrating and that's good enough for both of us. Hopefully we don't get too wild and wake up the proud new owners of a giant pig farm. I don't think Michigan has many pig farms, and that's what worries me the most.

This last week TW and cracker have decided that they don't hate each other anymore and can be friends, or at least friendly to each other. Usually cracker comes anywhere near TW and TW starts growling and wants to tear crackers face of-stupid cracka'! Get outta my hood! Normally bella gets along great with cracker, but since tw and cracker have been getting along famously, she's decided she no longer likes cracker and has tried to tear his face off a number of times. Those that know cracker can vouch for him being a very loving dog, he's just dumb as bricks for the most part. He will look at you with the most blank expression when you're telling him to do something, unless there's food involved, then he can and will do anything you ask him to do. He'd be terrible as Lassy unless you had treats in your pocket every time you got into trouble. Then again, he'd probably forget to go get help and end up in the bottom of the well with broken legs as well, but at least he'd have those treats in your pocket. Very nice dog. Very stupid dog. Our other two are just racist.

Michigan has finally decided that since it's December it should not just be cold and covered in snow, but that it should be so bitterly cold that you walk outside and you can feel the water you are made up of turning to ice and if you don't move quick enough you will be a human-cicle before you get to where you are going. It makes for turning off your refrigerator to save energy okay though, so it's not all bad.

Pam and I have decided that if we have kids, I will only beat them and so we should just go ahead and schedule a vasectomy for me. No guy is ever happy with someone poking and prodding around down there, well, they don't like real doctors that are doing some sort of check up poking and prodding around down there. But it's for the greater good and thus must be done, so I will bite the bullet (and wooden stick I hope they are willing to give me) and get it over with. Plus, if we really want kids I'm sure Angelina and Brad will be willing to give up a few.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The joys of being home all day long...

I really have discovered the joys of drugs... they do all kinds of funny things to the mind.  You don't even feel falling down after suddenly loosing your balance trying to take your clothes off to get in the shower... granted I did feel it the next day.  To friends and family:  I sincerely apologize for any odd texts that may or may not have been sent.  I don't even remember sending half of them.

The dogs thoroughly enjoyed me being home for a couple days straight.  They did however get rather uppity.  TW has now decided that reading should not be allowed.  Everytime I try to read he bats my book down and lays on top of it insisting he needs to be scratched immediately.  Bella cannot be separated from me any longer.  Then I would let her outside to go potty she would immediately run back to the door and start howling.  And Cracker has decided that my baths are his baths also.  Everytime he hears the bath water running he makes a mad dash toward the bathroom.  It is kinda funny to see him completely wipe out as he hits the bathroom surface giving me enough time to unceremoniously kick him out of the bathroom.

Oh the joys of being home...


Friday, December 10, 2010

Hugs, love and drugs

Pam just had a hole drilled in her skull and a screw put into it. Not a lobotomy, an implant for the tooth she broke trying to eat a bagel that was about a year old and had been left out on the counter-no one has looked into it, but bagels are like twinkies in that they never go bad, or at least they can't get any worse than they already are, and you can save them for decades and still eat them with the same risk as when you first bought them. I have my suspicions that all twinkies were made during the cold war and that the government is slowly releasing them as needed, making Hostess nothing but a front for infiltrating foreign governments. Pam rarely takes medicine and for several good reasons. 1) She's as healthy as a horse 2) Aspirin will knock her out for the rest of the day after she takes it 3) She hates taking pills. Other than drug addicts that don't stick needles in between their toes so as not to leave track marks, I don't really know anyone that like taking pills. Because she rarely takes pain killers her body metabolizes them fairly rapidly. Yesterday when we went to have the implant put in, they took her and numbed up her jaw as best they could-needles in bone are never fun-it turned out that they had to give her more than they normally use, and it wore off before they were finished with the procedure. The moral of this story, take drugs, lots of them especially if you're planning on have your teeth broken and implants put in, or something along the lines of a surgery, other wise you're going to be in more pain than most people. It was weird too because she took a Vicodin once the rest of the painkillers wore off, and she was fine-she was actually quite elated with the effects of it-until about three hours later, when she became suddenly nauseous. I thought painkillers made you nauseous once they kicked in, not hours later when they were on the downhill slide of wearing off. Maybe it's addiction withdrawal from just one dose.

TW, our jack russel that acts like he has parkinson's disease and looks somewhat like wishbone, has decided that the best way for him to get our attention is not with barking, which would be preferable, but with whining very high, very loud and for as long as it takes. The simple solution has been to duck tape his mouth shut, but Pam says that not humane-neither is being woken up at 5:30am by him whining-and so I've had to result to other options. I considered burying him, like treasure, but it's too late in the season and the grounds frozen for the most part. I also thought about driving him about six hours away and dropping him off, but then I remembered he's micro chipped so they know who he belongs to once he's picked up and call us letting us know that they have safely recovered out runaway dog.

Then I came up with something that seems to work and doesn't involve dismembering anything. I put TWO bark collars on him. He doesn't like the one he usually wears, and that takes care of most of the whining, except when he really really really thinks he needs to be where we are. With two of them on, however, he definitely thinks twice about whining. Before I get labelled a inhumane, cruel, evil, horrible and Barbra Streisand look-alike, I would like everyone to know that I have put on both bark collars and tried with all my might to make them go off while I had them on. I don't get how they work because they didn't do anything to me. I think our dog is just a weenie.  Besides, right on the box it says they don't hurt the dog. If only they could put it on TV, then I would know it's true.

Not enough people bought snow shovels because it snowed last night and seems to be sticking around this time. We're very sad. We're also very sad that it costs so much to heat a house. Even after putting more insulation in our attic, and several other things the house stays pretty cold in a couple of rooms. Ah the joys of home owning. Home owning is nice as long as you don't have to deal with all the things that go with owning a house. =D

Pam really needs to write more of these.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Furtive Holidaze

This thanksgiving was a nice. At first we were a bit sad that we weren't going to be seeing any family. Then we heard about all the crazy weather everyone had and we were very happy we weren't doing any travelling this thanksgiving. Pam made her first turkey, and it was the best ever! We went out to a local farm and picked out the cutest looking turkey. The farmers pulled him out and then they were kind enough to even let me cut his head off! Unfortunately we didn't have the camera with us, otherwise we would have some nice John Carpenter-esque pictures of thanksgiving to share. As it goes we have one that reminds me of a ball of snot.

It looked much better after all was said and done, thanks to Pam's amazing skills as a first time kung-fu-chef. 

I'm still mostly a vegetarian, but seriously, I have to get protein from somewhere and I'm about as close to convincing Pam that blue cheese tastes good as I am to convincing her that we should start cooking with tofu. Somethings would be nice-world peace, honest politicians and free lasers for every kid that gets a B on their first geometry test-but they're not going to happen in this lifetime. The turkey she made was amazing though! We also made some dinner and cinnamon rolls. 

Later we played fat dog and that was about it. 

Our dogs were festive as well

I think my family will be happy to know that I have not outgrown the childish tendency to draw on the family dog(s)-none are exempt, cracker just happens to be the easiest as he's all white. I've thought about pimping him out as a billboard, but Pam says it's not a good idea. 

TW found out how delicious rabbit tastes the other night-I had to go out in my pajamas and bring him in because we wouldn't listen us and out yard is pretty deep-and ever since then he has spent almost his entire time outside looking for either the rest of the rabbit that magically disappeared by the time he went outside the next morning, or an entirely new one. It's nice to know that he keeps other animals out of our yard. I'm just glad we don't have badgers nearby. 

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The food chain

The other day Pam and I were talking in the kitchen, she was doing womanly stuff like cook while I was doing manly stuff like the dishes (with my face, naked in the cold!), about what we wanted to do for thanksgiving this year as we're so close to the great white north that not even her family is willing to come up here. We decided we wanted to try making some new things like croissants, pumpkin pie, etc. Then she looks at me and says "I want to try having a turkey this year." This caught me completely off guard, and not because I'm a mostly vegetarian-long live the revulsion! I looked at her and said, "Well, I mean we've only been married about a year and a little more than a half, and I'm not sure right now is the best time. Plus, I think we should probably master the art of having children before moving onto other species..." She just looked at me with that look that all married men know and love so well. She would have smacked me but I was holding some of our nice dishes, which I could have used as a shield and they might have been damaged. So I was saved, for now. 

I think people should be required to pass a simple test to see if they can have children. Namely, they'll be put in a room (white and padded) by themselves; in the room there will be a box with a board nailed to the top of it. The board on top will have various shapes of different sizes. There will be a bucket next to it with various pieces that one would think will fit into the various shapes cut out in the board. The truth of the matter is that none of them will fit. Those that come to this realization and sit calmly and wait until someone comes to get them pass and will not be chemically castrated for the next year. It's a good think I'm not in charge. 

In the words of someone about some people "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country, and neither do we." -W

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Trying to get settled in...

We have finally moved into the house now and everything is beginning to settle down... at least in theory.  The house is still a disaster area but slowly is starting to become a home.  There have been the unexpected hurtles, like the mold in the basement, the cardboard box walls in the storage closet with exposed wires right next to the copper rod hanger..., the rain that occurs every day we have off to mow the lawn... those types of things.

One of our dogs has been proficient at catching mice/shrews/voles/moles in the backyard.  He tried to bring it inside this morning.  Jared didn't have his glasses on though and thought he was carrying a piece of poo (I know... he is a disgusting little dog) and told him to drop it.  Then he found his glasses and realized what it was... after disposing of it the little mutt has been looking for more :S

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Following the trend...

Alright, we will see how well I can keep this up.  Neither of us are very good about doing anything like this.

We are finally getting used to Michigan.  There have been a few bumps in the road (we were supposed to be moved into our house the end of July, but the closing date got pushed back; now it's tomorrow), but overall we are liking it.

We definitely miss our friends in Nebraska.  I couldn't have asked for a better crowd to work with (you guys are amazing), its not everyday when you not only get along with everyone at work but everyone actually hangs out also. 

I'm getting into the swing of my job.  The place is HUGE though.  There are 4 receptionists that work at any given time.  They can accommodate almost 200 animals boarding, 4 doctors and are open 7 days a week.  Definitely not used to this!

Jared is really enjoying school (I know, there is something very wrong with him!), and is excited to get rolling with everything.  Unfortunately I've been interrupting him and making him pull his nose out of the papers for mundane things like food...