Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The food chain

The other day Pam and I were talking in the kitchen, she was doing womanly stuff like cook while I was doing manly stuff like the dishes (with my face, naked in the cold!), about what we wanted to do for thanksgiving this year as we're so close to the great white north that not even her family is willing to come up here. We decided we wanted to try making some new things like croissants, pumpkin pie, etc. Then she looks at me and says "I want to try having a turkey this year." This caught me completely off guard, and not because I'm a mostly vegetarian-long live the revulsion! I looked at her and said, "Well, I mean we've only been married about a year and a little more than a half, and I'm not sure right now is the best time. Plus, I think we should probably master the art of having children before moving onto other species..." She just looked at me with that look that all married men know and love so well. She would have smacked me but I was holding some of our nice dishes, which I could have used as a shield and they might have been damaged. So I was saved, for now. 

I think people should be required to pass a simple test to see if they can have children. Namely, they'll be put in a room (white and padded) by themselves; in the room there will be a box with a board nailed to the top of it. The board on top will have various shapes of different sizes. There will be a bucket next to it with various pieces that one would think will fit into the various shapes cut out in the board. The truth of the matter is that none of them will fit. Those that come to this realization and sit calmly and wait until someone comes to get them pass and will not be chemically castrated for the next year. It's a good think I'm not in charge. 

In the words of someone about some people "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country, and neither do we." -W

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