Friday, December 10, 2010

Hugs, love and drugs

Pam just had a hole drilled in her skull and a screw put into it. Not a lobotomy, an implant for the tooth she broke trying to eat a bagel that was about a year old and had been left out on the counter-no one has looked into it, but bagels are like twinkies in that they never go bad, or at least they can't get any worse than they already are, and you can save them for decades and still eat them with the same risk as when you first bought them. I have my suspicions that all twinkies were made during the cold war and that the government is slowly releasing them as needed, making Hostess nothing but a front for infiltrating foreign governments. Pam rarely takes medicine and for several good reasons. 1) She's as healthy as a horse 2) Aspirin will knock her out for the rest of the day after she takes it 3) She hates taking pills. Other than drug addicts that don't stick needles in between their toes so as not to leave track marks, I don't really know anyone that like taking pills. Because she rarely takes pain killers her body metabolizes them fairly rapidly. Yesterday when we went to have the implant put in, they took her and numbed up her jaw as best they could-needles in bone are never fun-it turned out that they had to give her more than they normally use, and it wore off before they were finished with the procedure. The moral of this story, take drugs, lots of them especially if you're planning on have your teeth broken and implants put in, or something along the lines of a surgery, other wise you're going to be in more pain than most people. It was weird too because she took a Vicodin once the rest of the painkillers wore off, and she was fine-she was actually quite elated with the effects of it-until about three hours later, when she became suddenly nauseous. I thought painkillers made you nauseous once they kicked in, not hours later when they were on the downhill slide of wearing off. Maybe it's addiction withdrawal from just one dose.

TW, our jack russel that acts like he has parkinson's disease and looks somewhat like wishbone, has decided that the best way for him to get our attention is not with barking, which would be preferable, but with whining very high, very loud and for as long as it takes. The simple solution has been to duck tape his mouth shut, but Pam says that not humane-neither is being woken up at 5:30am by him whining-and so I've had to result to other options. I considered burying him, like treasure, but it's too late in the season and the grounds frozen for the most part. I also thought about driving him about six hours away and dropping him off, but then I remembered he's micro chipped so they know who he belongs to once he's picked up and call us letting us know that they have safely recovered out runaway dog.

Then I came up with something that seems to work and doesn't involve dismembering anything. I put TWO bark collars on him. He doesn't like the one he usually wears, and that takes care of most of the whining, except when he really really really thinks he needs to be where we are. With two of them on, however, he definitely thinks twice about whining. Before I get labelled a inhumane, cruel, evil, horrible and Barbra Streisand look-alike, I would like everyone to know that I have put on both bark collars and tried with all my might to make them go off while I had them on. I don't get how they work because they didn't do anything to me. I think our dog is just a weenie.  Besides, right on the box it says they don't hurt the dog. If only they could put it on TV, then I would know it's true.

Not enough people bought snow shovels because it snowed last night and seems to be sticking around this time. We're very sad. We're also very sad that it costs so much to heat a house. Even after putting more insulation in our attic, and several other things the house stays pretty cold in a couple of rooms. Ah the joys of home owning. Home owning is nice as long as you don't have to deal with all the things that go with owning a house. =D

Pam really needs to write more of these.

1 comment:

Blue Dragon Arts said...

but your descriptions are so great and make me laugh out loud, really! students walk by and give me odd looks because of this!

Poor Pam! I don't like dentists!

Hang in there with the pup, it's probably just a phase.

HUGS to both!